


the caged emperor

by talonyth



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, i'm sorry i still suck at tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-03-21 18:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talonyth/pseuds/talonyth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama wants to be a knight rather than a king, Oikawa wants to be a king rather than a prince and Iwaizumi wants harmony and happiness for all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. if anyone is a prisoner, then you

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first attempt at iwakage and i can't believe i started another damn multichaptered fic what is wrong with me ANYWAY
> 
> this fic is dedicated to [suikka](http://suikka.tumblr.com) and the first chapter has been written as a birthday present!! happy birthday suikka, i hope you will like these puny iwakages burning kinda slowly/// also many thanks to my bff for crying with me over this au and giving me ideas and helping out basically, i am so grateful holy properoly

Kageyama stares at the pages of the book he is reading blankly, rubbing his eyes - nothing he understands too well but he knows he has to memorize everything. The dim evening sunlight barely illuminates the small room through the large window, table covered in books and pages, half of them tossed to the side just to make them disappear from his sight.

It’s suffocating him. This room, the crumbly paper beneath his fingers, the sound of footsteps outside, patrolling knights in front of his door making sure he doesn’t leave before he is done. Everything suffocates him. The fact that he has to study so much, that he has to remember and mind so much, it sends shivers down his spine. Of the bad sort. Of the worst sort, in fact. He doesn’t want to be here. He would much rather be outside and do anything else. Anything but this. 

He doesn’t even want to become king later on as his mother wishes for him to be. His brother would be much more suitable. Tooru is well-liked by the capital’s city folk, he is smart and capable, dependable and dedicated, trains a lot to be a good swordsman and studies much to be an equally apt strategist, to have the wisdom a king would need. Kageyama thinks he has none of those features. His social skills are almost nonexistent, having spent too much time inside the castle rather than outside, and while he can memorize things quickly, he doesn’t understand most of them so intelligence is not one of his traits either. At the very least he is handy with swords but even that definitely needs improvement as well. Leading an army, a kingdom… it doesn’t sound like anything Kageyama could do. Nothing he wants to do. Not now and not later. Never.

There is no discussing about this. His mother is adamant about the fact that he has to work hard in order to be crowned once his father dies. That he will grow into this role. She always says that whenever he expresses his aversion towards the idea. ‘You will see, my child, a king is not born but raised.’ Kageyama still doesn’t know what that means. 

He plants his face onto the book, something about crusades or whatever, cheek pressed against the yellowed page, wrinkling up his nose at the smell of dust and old. Tooru is older than him. More suitable in all matters. Why does he have to sit here, inside this room, then? Bother with thinking about a future he would have never chosen if he could have? What for? It’s obvious Tooru wants to become king later on. He works so much for it. But no one acknowledges it, somehow. Kageyama has noticed. 

‘You might be brothers,’ Kageyama’s mother always said, ‘but you only share half a blood bond.’ It’s true that they have different mothers, Tooru and him, they were also referred to by different names, each with the name of their respective mother. ...This doesn’t feel like family at all. It used to, when they were younger. They played a lot together back then. But this… everything has broken apart, especially when their father, the current king of Blue Leaves Valley, had fallen sick. Hence why Kageyama had been drilled by his mother to study even more because the time was running short. It sounds heartless, somehow. 

A big sigh escapes Kageyama’s throat as he hears a knock at his door, followed by an all to familiar and pleasant voice to Kageyama’s ears.

“Your Majesty, I’m coming in.”

The heavy door opens with a creak and Kageyama sits up excitedly. A man enters, covered in knightly training gear and… lots of dust and dirt. Not unexpectedly considering Iwaizumi always tells him things get pretty rough when they are sparring.

“Iwaizumi-san!”

He closes the door and a grin slides up his face. “Still so formal, huh.”

“So are you,” Kageyama replies, lips forming a slight pout although he keeps being told it’s bad manners to pull such a face, “I told you I hate being called that.”

“Well, you _are_ a majesty and there are guards outside who are just waiting to go and get promoted for reporting impudence to Her Highness. I’d rather not give them the satisfaction when they can hear me, Kageyama.” 

Kageyama suppresses the urge to smile at the sound of his name in Iwaizumi’s voice. It isn’t anything special, Iwaizumi normally calls him by his name rather than a title when they are alone or in the rare occasions Tooru is with them. Alas by his last name but it is still much better and comfortable than the dumb titles he keeps overhearing because he doesn’t feel like they are addressed to him. “That’s… true,” Kageyama says, wrinkling his nose, “I wouldn’t want you to end up in prison again.”

“It’s surprisingly comfortable down there.” Iwaizumi’s grin grows wider as he sinks down in a - in Kageyama’s opinion - rather uncomfortable armchair that was more his mother’s taste than his own but Iwaizumi always sits in it when he comes over to his room. “The food is absolute garbage, though. Thank goodness I never had to eat it for more than a week.”

“They might be harsher to actual prisoners. They should be, at least.”

“...So far I don’t think we had any other prisoners in the castle’s prison than knights who misbehaved. And frankly, if you haven’t been down there once in your life as a knight, you missed out.”

There they are. It might as well be Kageyama’s favourite pastime, listening to Iwaizumi talk about his daily life as a rookie knight. Ever since they were younger, Iwaizumi wanted to be a knight. His father was the army’s head in the past and Iwaizumi always said it was his dream to best his old man. Somehow, it was probably the most obvious path he would take but he lives it now, he truly does and Kageyama is amazed at any time simply thinking about how fulfilled Iwaizumi’s life sounds like despite them not being that far apart in age. It’s just 4 years. Not much yet it feels like the world. 

“I guess it’s sort of a ritual for some. Lots of us treat it like an award but for me it’s really the mattresses. I tried taking one of those with me and I’d almost been imprisoned for it again.”

“Iwaizumi-san…”

“What, it was worth a try. I did put it back, alright? No harm taken.”

Kageyama snorts and he hears Iwaizumi snickering along. It’s the first good thing that has happened today, of that Kageyama is sure. Perhaps in a few days, actually. Iwaizumi doesn’t come and visit him every day. Every now and then when he has some free time. ‘To get your mind off of things, Kageyama. Just don’t tell anyone,’ is what Iwaizumi said when Kageyama’s rules got stricter. Due to… many things, only one of them being his father’s poor health condition as of late. 

It used to be quite like this too, except for less surveillance on him, when they were younger. His brother and Iwaizumi, best friends since they first almost broke each other’s noses for a piece of pie when they were 4, used to sneak into his room a lot and the three of them would hop out of the window and roam around the city sometimes. Or hide in a tree house they built together to play card games of all sorts. Or simply laze around sometimes. Until his mother caught them and blamed everything on Tooru even though Kageyama kept telling her it wasn’t his fault nor his idea. Both Tooru and Iwaizumi had gotten punished for it and while his brother, ever since, has avoided ever trying anything like that again and rather concentrating on his royal tasks in the future, Iwaizumi never really stopped sneaking in. 

“By the way, Kageyama, I thought you might want to see,” Iwaizumi says, and there is a smile on his face that makes Kageyama avert his eyes immediately. It’s… bright and soothing and far too much for Kageyama. Lately, this has gotten far worse, this sort of ridiculous feeling. It’s not entirely bad, though.

Iwaizumi gets up and rustles through the small bag at the side of his belt, carefully grasping something while shuffling closer to Kageyama. He crouches down before pulling out what he meant to show Kageyama, proudly beaming. In a small glass case about the size of a music box in Iwaizumi’s palm, a butterfly flaps its wings, gradients of iridescent blue with a black border and white spots, sitting on a small part of a tree branch. It is positively the most beautiful butterfly Kageyama has ever seen in his life, his mouth opening to say something but lacking the words to do so. 

“I saw it when we were sparring and then I thought I really wanted to show you so I spent about the last quarter of training trying to catch this tiny bastard. Tenacious, I tell you but there is no bug I cannot catch.”

Pride goes along in Iwaizumi’s voice with a look as tender in his eyes as Kageyama had rarely seen it, averting his eyes once more. Look at the butterfly instead. 

“It’s… so beautiful, I’ve never seen any butterfly like this before. ...What is it called?” Kageyama lays a finger onto the cold glass but the butterfly doesn’t react to his movements. 

“Mmm, it’s a morpho. A common morpho, to be precise. It’s usually just called Emperor, though, probably because of its colour. Around the area here, there are only much darker morphos around, kind of… night blue, you know?”

No, he doesn’t but Kageyama silently nods along as he looks at the butterfly spread its wings. The case seems to be large enough for it to do so. It’s pretty but somehow… sad. Caged and unable to fly. 

“Don’t worry,” Iwaizumi says after a small pause, eyeing Kageyama from the corner of his eyes, “I just caught it to show it to you. I will let it go by the time I go out again.”

“Ah, no, I mean---” Caught in the act. Kageyama feels the heat rushing to his cheeks but he can’t suppress a smile. “I’m happy. I really, really am. I would never see some things if you wouldn’t show them to me. I… couldn’t be more grateful than this.”

Kageyama doesn’t dare looking at Iwaizumi. _Don’t meet his eyes, don’t look at him for now._ His face is burning and he fiddles with a pen he nervously grabbed from his table, clicking the cap on and off repeatedly. He hears a chuckle but he feels his heart is not entirely ready to face Iwaizumi yet. He can’t see his expression at all. 

“I can’t imagine how you can stay locked up in your room like this. No fresh air, no exercise… sounds boring to me. Not to say counterproductive for your brain to work properly.”

“I do… get out sometimes.” The pen Kageyama picked up earlier, it’s bleeding out. On his hand. But he can’t be bothered to care about that, oddly enough. He stares at the ink sinking into the creases of his hand, seeping into his skin. “For sword training.” His voice drops a tone and his pout comes back. He can’t control it, it’s simply how his face looks sometimes. He’d like not to mind matters like these. “Once a week.”

Iwaizumi sighs and places the glass case on top of the page Kageyama read earlier. “This ain’t good for you, Kageyama. I know it’s not my place to say it but I don’t think Her Highness is right in this matter.”

“She might not be but with Father in the condition he is and… Br-- To-- I mean, Oikawa-san is working so hard, there is no way I can simply do whatever I wish to. I have a task just as they have…” His voice sounds meek and he hates it. He wishes he could be at least a little more like Iwaizumi. 

“A task? This is… more of a drill. And trust me, you would much rather be drilled by old fart Ukai than like this. This ain’t---” Iwaizumi stops for a second and clears his throat, apparently realizing he slipped back into his casual way of speaking (very welcome to Kageyama, he keeps saying this but Iwaizumi insists. ‘For my own sake too, I have to sound like a knight too,’ he said.) “I take back what I said earlier, you know. About there not being any other prisoners than misbehaving knights. If anyone is a prisoner then that’s you, Kageyama.” There is something in Iwaizumi’s voice that shakes Kageyama, more than his words do although they don’t pass by him either.

“It’s… not… really…”

“No? There are guards in front of your door. You are being locked in at night. You don’t have the keys for your windows to open them when you want to, you have to ask before you can. You can’t even walk around the castle by yourself without someone accompanying you. I don’t know, this sounds plenty like prison to me, the only difference might as well be the food you get.”

It is the first time Kageyama looks up - and finds Iwaizumi to look at him with the same eyes he must have looked at the butterfly earlier. Kageyama purses his lips and squeezes the pen between his fingers. It keeps leaking, his palm entirely covered in black. “...I want to ask Br-- Oikawa-san to---”

“Honestly? Even this? He’s your _brother_. I don’t even get you talking to me like I’m God knows which important person but your _brother_? Calling him by his last name? What for, so you can keep the difference in check like everyone else in this damn castle is supposed to? Between the two of us, Her Highness is a b-- witch.”

The corner of Kageyama’s lips twitch up for a second at Iwaizumi’s slip-up but he breathes in sharply before he speaks again. “There is no way to defy her.”

“None that wouldn’t make it fall back on him, you mean.”

Kageyama nods slowly. In the end, his mother, she would do anything to make it seem as though Tooru had tried to manipulate him into saying he doesn’t want the crown. She would blame everything on Tooru if she could. 

“I don’t wish to bestow more problems upon him than I already did,” Kageyama eventually says and it sounds a whole lot more trivial than it was supposed to. It’s the reason his brother avoids him in the first place. 

“There it is again. Don’t you sound flawless and proper, Your Majesty.” 

Bitter. Iwaizumi’s tone and expression, bitter as the blackest of the black teas Kageyama has ever tasted. 

It’s suffocating him. This room, the ink imprinting itself on his palm, the sound of a faint fluttering in his ears. Everything suffocates him but of everything, being the cause for Iwaizumi speaking like that hurts the most. 

“I will take my leave,” Iwaizumi says and grasps the glass case off the table, “to let this small fellow free.” 

As he leaves the room, Kageyama is left staring at his broad back, listening to the door snapping close, to footsteps outside, to an owl hooting softly already, and he wonders whether he, too, might one day be let out of his cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we all know iwa was going to say a word that rhymes with witch and starts with b but can you blame him, i'm also sorry for using the old "evil mother/stepmother" trope but it goes along so well with a setting like this,,, 
> 
> trivia for tonight: kageyama has been conditioned to refer to oikawa as a stranger rather than family so as oikawa-san. it doesn't work too well, thankfully, so he constantly struggles between brother, tooru and oikawa-san.  
> also, in case you never played animal crossing and are curious how the emperor butterflies look like, [here](http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/acnl/images/8/8b/EmperorButterflyIRL.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130717143526)'s a photo! lastly, kudos to you if you just got the catherine reference. OKAY i'll stop talking, i hope you enjoyed!!


	2. perhaps then, he would love me as much as you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is an iwaoi centric chapter and it was more difficult for me to write than i originally thought? probably because there were several ways their conversation could have gone and i typed down all of them and i got confused and better not ask me about it bc i had a crisis after the next
> 
> i hope you enjoy it!

“At best a week,” Oikawa says, out of the blue, staring up at the night sky and drawing lines into the air. 

If Iwaizumi wouldn’t know better he might have considered Oikawa to have gone mad but he is simply tracing constellations. He has always done this, ever since they were younger, actively looking out for them and spouting facts about them Iwaizumi can’t remember entirely. The names slip his memory most of the time and he confuses the legends behind them but Oikawa doesn’t mind that too much. He’s more than happy to repeat them. Eternally, if he could, probably. 

“A week until?”

“Until Father is dead. It doesn’t matter how well he is taken care of, he gets worse and worse.” He doesn’t turn to Iwaizumi as he speaks, lost in mind and thought as it seems. 

“Ah.” Iwaizumi feels at a loss for what to say. He knows Oikawa spent most of his days as of late taking care of the king who had suddenly fallen ill. As much as Oikawa pretends not caring, his actions speak otherwise. Pale face, heavy lids, slumped posture, all small signs of efforts that might not pay off. They very likely will not and the one knowing best is Oikawa. Ever so long, Iwaizumi watched Oikawa struggle and fight in order to be seen, to be praised but barely anything came out of it so far. It would bother him, Iwaizumi thinks, if Oikawa wouldn’t be able to keep a straight back and high head towards what is happening to him. The least he would need - and want for that matter - is pity, from his best friend on top of that. 

The movement of Oikawa’s hand stops and he lowers it into his lap, still looking up absentmindedly. Recently, he has been with his thoughts elsewhere a lot, daydreaming, not paying attention to what is being said despite being sharp enough to catch onto a conversation quickly enough again. It feels odd, to say it mildly, to see him in such a state. Much more than Oikawa lets on, the entire situation drains him and Iwaizumi has ever so often been inclined to yell at him to take it a little easier. 

But it’s pointless, he knows after years, because Oikawa won’t rest until he has reached his goal and Iwaizumi doesn’t want to be the one getting in his way but much rather the one supporting him. Should he - and that Oikawa knows - notice him going past his limits, he will interfere but so far… it’s in moderation. For now it is. 

All Oikawa seems to need right now is someone’s shoulder to rest on and Iwaizumi is more than happy to grant him this simple wish. Oikawa shuffles closer, pressing his cheek against Iwaizumi’s shoulder as he breathes out quietly. It’s alright, like this. For he knows Oikawa showing weakness but he can’t help it, sometimes. And for those times Iwaizumi swore he would be there. He’s grateful to be given so much trust. 

“Seems like I wasted my time. It’s almost as if he is supposed to die rather than recover,” Oikawa mumbles almost inaudibly if he weren’t to be so close. 

“...So you think His Highness’ illness is not as sudden and unexpected.” Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow. It isn’t the first time he has heard doubt about the illness that befell the king. Especially the older knights among them whispered about a possible poisoning. Too sudden for a man like His Highness who might have grown older but not weaker, they said. 

Oikawa shrugs and adjusts himself, sliding down a little and sticking closer to Iwaizumi, arms pressed against one another. “Who knows. Wouldn’t it be all too convenient to dispose of me by claiming I poisoned the king? If you ask me, someone has been set on getting rid of him and me in the same breath. ...Not a very clever plan though, mind you. I wouldn’t want Father dead unless I were sure I am the next king so I have no reason to want him gone at this point considering Tobio is crown prince.”

“That’s not a very valid argument in your favour, though.”

“Not very much, no. You would think I would have killed him if it weren’t for Tobio. ...I suppose that was a highly unfelicitous way of putting it,” Oikawa replies and chuckles. “But still, even a simpleton would be able to come up with a smarter way that makes sense in itself. It will probably work anyway, seeing as the Council worships that woman and her idea of using Tobio as her pawn.”

Ah, the Council and the Queen. Iwaizumi can’t say he knows anything about politics, about what is going on behind the doors of the palace. He belongs to the knights, all they have to mind are their bodies and strategies on a possible battlefield. Perhaps manners, every now and then as well. He is still certain of the fact that he despises those who rule. The king, as belligerent as he has been before his illness, it was debatable whether he was a kind ruler but for the kingdom he did everything in his power. 

Iwaizumi feels Oikawa fidget slightly. Imperceptibly so, if it weren’t for their proximity. “...How’s he doing? You’ve seen him, right?”

“Mmm.” Iwaizumi thinks of the Emperor he set free after he left Kageyama’s room the other day. It had the same colour as Kageyama’s eyes. He never told him that had been the original reason he had found himself catching it, though. 

He wonders how Kageyama would have reacted. Maybe he would have been flustered, covering his face to hide it. Or perhaps he would have been surprised because he never considered. ...The most likely option is that he would have been confused, though. As he knows Kageyama, it would have definitely been latter. 

“...Iwa-chan?”

“Ah.” Oikawa’s voice wakes him up and he finds his best friend blinking at him with a puzzled expression but averts his eyes right away, feeling the heat rising to his cheeks. He feels like he has been caught red-handed thinking about something he shouldn’t have. “Yeah, sorry. I have. He’s… as he is. Locked in his room and staring at books.”

He can’t see Oikawa’s face but he can feel the other’s expression sinking as he speaks. “Is that so? It doesn’t suit him at all.”

“No, it really doesn’t. It would do him good to get out of that damn room every now and then.”

Oikawa keeps quiet about this, as always. He doesn’t agree with the way Kageyama is treated, that much Iwaizumi is more than positive of, he doesn’t agree with any of what is happening. Just as certain is that the Queen waits for Oikawa to do something wrong to scold him, to rid herself of him with a reason, knowing fully well that caprice is not going to resound with the kingdom very well. She knows of Oikawa’s popularity and she doesn’t dare touching him without a cause. 

If Kageyama is a prisoner waiting to be hanged, then it feels as if Oikawa is an animal waiting to be butchered - yet never eating enough to give the butcher a reason to do it. 

“You could go and see him yourself, you know,” Iwaizumi eventually says, stretching his legs. They hurt from practice but it’s the good kind of pain. Unlike the sort hammering against his chest. “I have seen you standing in front of his door when the knights watching him are on their break. I know he would be happy to---”

“Happy? You think Tobio would be _happy_ to see me?” Oikawa sits up and it is the first time this evening Iwaizumi can see his expression. His lips twist into a crooked smile, a wry laugh coming out of his throat. “Iwa-chan, isn’t this just your wish? For everything to be like it used to be? Do you really think everything can be just like before?”

“I do,” he replies quietly without averting his eyes, watching Oikawa breathing heavily. “Maybe not now but… I think it might work out eventually. It’s not wrong to wish for that, is it?”

It’s simple enough. For him, it is. He knows of Oikawa’s circumstances and he knows of Kageyama’s. He knows that, in fact, nothing is simple at all. How could it be? He has seen Oikawa trying to be a part of the family for so long - but failing for equally long. He has seen Kageyama being forced to keep his distance - by being locked up in his own room. He can see either of them, every day, see how with every second they keep growing apart. 

And it’s not simple at all to fix all of this but it’s simple enough wishing for it to happen. 

“This… it will never be the same again,” Oikawa utters, turning away. 

“No, it won’t. Something that has been broken won’t be new again but it can be repaired.” 

The smile is stuck on Oikawa’s face, as sardonic as it was before. “You’re such an idealist, Iwa-chan. You truly are a knight with all of your being.”

“Of course I am,” Iwaizumi affirms, the most trivial and natural of all responses to a statement like this. “I’ve wanted to be a knight my entire life and I don’t regret a single second of it. It has been my wish and I did everything to make it come true. I will continue to do everything in my might to make all my wishes become reality.”

The tense atmosphere from earlier - one Iwaizumi smelled to escalate into a fight - is entirely gone when Oikawa starts laughing. Heartily, that is, it’s not fake, it’s not bitter. It’s honest and it relieves Iwaizumi. It’s been a while ever since he has heard Oikawa laugh like this even though he doesn’t think his words were particularly funny. 

“This is so much like you, Iwa-chan. I even start to believe it might be true if you put it like that, you know?” Oikawa giggles after a little while looking at Iwaizumi with eyes fond enough to make him feel flustered. He prefers their banter over Oikawa’s occasional emotional outbursts in which he declares his undying love and loyalty to him. Oikawa doesn’t have to know he agrees wholeheartedly with this, that satisfaction is something Iwaizumi won’t easily give him. 

“Well, you better. Rely on me for this as well, you’ll see, I will make it happen eventually.”

“You are far too cool for me when you’re like this,” Oikawa says with a smile, leaning against the backrest of the small bank in the palace garden. “I wonder if I will ever manage to be on your level. Perhaps then, Tobio would love me as he loves you.”

“I don’t think that’s something you have to worry about. Trust me when I say that there is no one who loves you more than your brother does, Oikawa. As you endure the rejection and try to advance in spite of it, he endures being a prisoner to give you a chance.”

For a while, both of them keep quiet. A breeze is rushing over them, making Iwaizumi shiver slightly but he has been far worse. He looks over to Oikawa who seems lost in thoughts once more, looking up into the sky again, smile long ceased. 

“...Iwa-chan,” he starts but for a while, he doesn’t continue. When Iwaizumi is about to open his mouth, he suddenly speaks up again. “Do you mean it? Do you… think Tobio still…”

He doesn’t continue, as if he were afraid to say the next words but it doesn’t matter either way. Iwaizumi knows what was to come. 

“I do. That’s why it makes me cringe when I hear him trip over his words when he tries to speak about you. He still wants to call you Brother, you know.”

There is something in Oikawa’s eyes for a split second that pierces like a spear through Iwaizumi’s chest. The same feeling he has whenever he sees Kageyama, whenever he hears him speaking about ‘Oikawa-san’ rather than ‘Tooru’, whenever he hears him slipping back but frantically trying to correct himself. To keep the distance up.

Not because they want to but because they have to. 

“...Uncute. I told him not to call me that anymore,” Oikawa breathes and it seems like a strain to him to speak at all. He lowers his head, eyes fixed onto the ground rather than on the sky, hands clasped together tightly. 

“Didn’t you tell him that because you found it to be _too_ cute and got flustered at some point? So when we were like, what, 10? 12? You told him to call you Tooru because you couldn’t handle him tagging along and yelling Brother the entire time.” 

“Yes…” Oikawa replies and there is another smile, as nostalgic as it is sad, “and he couldn’t get used to it at all at first so he kept slipping back and forth.”

“He still does, occasionally.”

“What an idiot.”

Iwaizumi ignores the way Oikawa’s voice breaks at the end of the word and instead looks up into the sky. Because more than because of the constellations, Iwaizumi remembers Oikawa hoping to see a shooting star. Never wanting to miss one, his eyes were always, always up at the sky. 

But there is none that night and when the bells of the palace’s cathedral ring, in a very different tune than they usually do, Iwaizumi freezes. This is neither an indicator for the current time nor for an enemy attack. This is---

“He is dead,” Oikawa says monotonously despite his voice still shaking, interrupting Iwaizumi’s trail of thought, “Father… the king is dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy the king is dead and shit will be going down the drain. next chapter will probably be pretty long, lots of action and all, we'll see how it all turns out (also i swear more iwakage)


	3. at your service

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the heck am i doing

Living in the knights’ quarters is not that bad, Iwaizumi thinks. It reminds him of home, most of the time, quarreling rookie knights everywhere on the corridors shortly before curfew are a little like his younger siblings back in his home town. He misses it, sometimes, but most of the time he knows very well that his family supported his decision of becoming a knight from the very beginning - and joining his father at the royal court. His mother must be struggling though even if she never says so in her letters. 

Living in the knights’ quarters with two very specific roommates is sometimes really bad in contrast. Hanamaki and Matsukawa are no bad guys, quite the opposite is the case. Iwaizumi considers them to be his best friends (taking aside Oikawa) but they can be a handful. Especially together. They are a perfect match for each other and feared in a combo, for they have sharp tongues and are able to find out whatever they want - however they do it, Iwaizumi might rather pass on wanting to know. 

“I totally heard that rumour about the Queen again, they say she poisoned the king,” Hanamaki says, sitting at the edge of the hard mattresses they have in their small rooms. There is barely any space for them to walk but they are barely here anyway, unless they want to sleep or change clothes. “They also say that’s how she killed past husbands too.”

“For real?” It’s not like Matsukawa doesn’t believe it or doesn’t know, more often than not, if they want someone to know something, they will do a little stage play in order to ‘accidentally spill the news’. It seems as if they want Iwaizumi to overhear their conversation even if he originally didn’t want to do them this favour. Sleep sounded a lot more enticing having in mind that tomorrow, weeks after the king’s death, the coronation of the new king would take place. Iwaizumi feels his insides clench. “Like what, is she some sort of witch?”

“Nah, but they say she comes from the North of Blue Leaves Valley. You know the Northerners are kind of nuts, with their potions and spells and humbug like that.” 

“Aha! So she is knowledgeable in mixing poisonous potions. ...That’s scary,” Matsukawa replies with more awe in his voice than necessary. 

“There is no point in spreading those rumours if they can’t be proven.” Iwaizumi sits up, stretching his arms to hear his back crack pleasantly. He fell on it once too often during practice today. 

“Don’t be a spoilsport, Iwa-chan,” Hanamaki says and receives a pillow straight to his face, with enough force to slam him onto his back. 

“Don’t call me that, you had this coming.” He has never been a very precise thrower but it’s been getting better lately. Not that Iwaizumi is particularly proud of that. Or perhaps he is. 

“Oh, but it’s okay when Oik--- _His Majesty_ does it. So that’s how it is. Lots of time spent together, endearing pet names… hey, what’s yours for him, Iwa...izumi?” 

He doesn’t know whether to be pleased or annoyed at the pause Matsukawa had to take at his name but he very certainly knows what they are trying to imply. Now this is a thing that definitely makes it hard being Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s roommate. They are overly eager to find out about things first that they have the tendency to presume before properly knowing. 

“I don’t call him any pet name, get off my back,” he mutters while catching the pillow Hanamaki flings back at him as he sits up again. 

“Mattsun, don’t be stupid, we already cleared up that Iwa-chan and Oikawa are not in smooches.”

Another thump, another time Hanamaki is with a pillow in his face thrown onto his back. He’s probably already used to this. ...He probably finds it fun, what a fool. 

“Not yet.”

“Not ever,” Iwaizumi corrects and stands up to pick his pillow off Hanamaki’s face, seeing him grin. Their perseverance is incredible. It would be great if they could be the same at practice sometimes. Not that they slack off but sometimes… well, Iwaizumi is ready for more of their teasing but not for Hanamaki’s next words. 

“There is only so much love a person’s heart can spare for a prince and I suppose your heart is exhausted enough with one of them.” 

Iwaizumi never failed to react to something as much as to this. The very belated and weak smack of his pillow right back into Hanamaki’s face which doesn’t even properly hit him doesn’t make the silence better. In fact, it just makes it worse. So much worse because he fears they might hear his heart beating and hurting. 

“Oooooh, spicy. Then again, that’s true, you used to spend a lot of time with the little prince. Aha, aha, aha, Iwa-chan,” says Matsukawa, breaking the silence first. Used to… Iwaizumi hasn’t seen Kageyama in weeks. Ever since the king’s funeral, to be precise. He hasn’t even gotten out for sword practice any longer, locked up even tighter, more guards around his room than before. His mother tried to keep him away from all influences that might cloud his vision of becoming king. What a joke. As if he ever wanted that for himself. 

The funeral had just been the start of Kageyama’s complete isolation. Right there, in the first row, Iwaizumi remembers seeing Kageyama and Oikawa, far away from each other, having been seated like that. Both looked tired and exhausted, much paler than they used to be, much thinner and frailer, much like they could need each other’s shoulders to cry on. And for a single instance, Iwaizumi believed that they might, with a glance at each other, reach out to the other.

But it didn’t happen. Before they could, the Queen sat down right between them, like a wall to separate them - and she still does. Not only isolating Kageyama from everyone but Oikawa as well. The Council gave him the most ungrateful tasks over the course of the weeks, Oikawa gladly taking them in an attempt to persuade them of his qualities. It worked in moderation but it ate up all of Oikawa’s time - and strength. 

When Iwaizumi hears someone knocking at the door - it is long past curfew now - he thinks it might be Oikawa. Yesterday, at around the same time, he came by and Iwaizumi, for the first time ever since he’d known him, was aghast at that sight. Oikawa had never been the type to take things lightly or easily if they concerned his goals but once more, for the first time, Iwaizumi wondered whether it was still worth the effort. He had never had Oikawa cling to him like that, nails almost digging through his clothes into his skin, never heard him cry like that, never for as long like that, from long past curfew until almost start of the morning laps.

And he never felt as helpless as that. 

His feet feel like solid lead when he stands up to open the door - and finding it is not Oikawa who knocked. It is Kageyama. And though Iwaizumi didn’t believe it to be possible, he looks so much more worse than Oikawa did, so much more worse than Iwaizumi expected. He is covered in scratches and cuts, blood seeping from some of them, in dirt and mud, his face strained as he is trying to breathe. He looks… terrified though he lowers his gaze when he catches Iwaizumi’s right away. As if he did something he shouldn’t have. 

He can hear Hanamaki and Matsukawa ask who it is from the back though it feels more like static noise than anything else when Kageyama opens his mouth. 

“I-I apologize… I shouldn’t have come here… I---”

There is only so much love a heart can spare was what Hanamaki said and Iwaizumi is sure that the same goes for pain. No one ever died of a heartbreak, that he keeps hearing but the pain of feeling a heart break and shatter, it might as well take down the strongest warrior. 

He grabs Kageyama’s wrist, much slimmer than he recalls it to have been and pulls him inside wordlessly, both Hanamaki and Matsukawa going silent right away at the sight. He’s shaking, Kageyama is as Iwaizumi sits him down onto his mattress and kneels in front of him, fumbling underneath his bed to pull out a small box to treat his wounds. He doesn’t look, only notices from the corner of his eyes that Hanamaki and Matsukawa were moving, finding a bowl of fresh water and another set of bedlinen next to him a second later and both of them gone, door closing with a soft clack. As troublesome as they were, Iwaizumi wouldn’t want to exchange either of them for someone else. 

It’s the first time he glances up to Kageyama after they left. He’s started crying silently, tears rolling down his cheeks seemingly uninvited as he tried to wipe them away when he realizes Iwaizumi is watching him. Not a single unit of practice with Ukai Sr. inflicted this amount of pain and those were the harshest times in his years as a knight. He remembers days in which he could move anymore, couldn’t even blink without it hurting yet this, remembering Oikawa and seeing Kageyama in the same state, even worse… 

When Iwaizumi became a knight he swore to himself, he would do anything in his power to protect those he loves and cares about. As a knight but as a person as well. To devote his life to keep them safe and sound no matter what it would cost him. Yet what sort of knight was he when he couldn’t do even that? Couldn’t be a support to Oikawa, couldn’t free Kageyama, couldn’t keep this all, sadness and pain and isolation, away from them, he couldn’t even relieve them of it a little. He worked so hard yet it all feels naught to him when he can’t do anything for them, neither of them. Tiptoeing around them in order to protect both but in the end, he managed to fail both of them. 

He tastes the iron on his tongue, teeth buried in his lower lip as he starts patching Kageyama up who flinches at the burning feeling of disinfectant on his cuts. Iwaizumi barely dares to ask but he hasn’t said anything to Kageyama at all ever since he came here, hasn’t found the right words to say. He curses his inability to get a hold of himself and his weakness of heart. He should be the one radiating strength when it lacks yet… 

“How---” he starts but his voice gives way so Iwaizumi clears his throat and starts over again. “What… has happened?”

Kageyama keeps quiet for a while, trying to focus on holding still and stopping the flood of tears, time in which Iwaizumi manages to take care of the cuts on his face and wiping off the dirt off it. “I couldn’t stay there any longer… I was suffocating…” 

His voice is but a breath, a trembling and uneven breath and his description sounds as literal as it could be. 

“So you broke out?”

Kageyama nods weakly and holds onto his shirt. It’s ripped at some parts, Iwaizumi can only suppose which way Kageyama chose to flee. “I smashed the window and jumped out… I wanted to run but…”

He presses his lips together and doesn’t continue. It doesn’t matter, Iwaizumi is aware of what he meant to say. _I wanted to run but I didn’t know where to._ Where could he run to? Anywhere is vast for someone who had barely seen the city he lives in. For anyone that would be hard to comprehend but not knowing where to go, not knowing where you are, it is more terrifying than anything else. 

“Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself when landing?”

Kageyama shakes his head. “Just a few scratches from the glass. I managed to climb over onto the branch of a tree and go down from there…”

“Did anyone hear or see you?”

Kageyama shakes his head again. “I don’t think so… the guards didn’t follow me after I broke the window and I hid whenever I heard someone coming. I didn’t know how thorny the bushes were in our garden…”

“They never used to be until you she locked you up,” Iwaizumi quietly retorts, tending Kageyama’s scratches on his arms. There were no shards or thorns stuck, thankfully. That would have made everything much more painful. 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t think where I was going and when I realized, I was standing right in front of your door and in front of you and I---” His face shifts again, expression in all shades of guilty and it makes Iwaizumi want to shake him. Take him by his shoulders and shake him through - if he weren’t as scattered already. 

“Stop apologizing. I’m glad you came here and didn’t run off to where I wouldn’t be able to find you. Especially when you look like this,” he says and involuntarily squeezes Kageyama’s arm harder than intended. What would he have done, if Kageyama had run off for good, outside the castle, perhaps even outside the city? Outside his grasp, outside his view, what… would he have done? He didn’t notice his own hands were shaking as well until then. 

“But I… am a burden to you… to you and to To--- Oikawa-san and… to everyone… I…” Kageyama’s breath is erratic as he tries to keep himself from crying, a tremor running through his entire body, trying to pull himself away from Iwaizumi. “I shouldn’t be here… If only I had never been---”

Before he can finish, Iwaizumi pulls Kageyama at his wrists back to him at one go and knocks his forehead against Kageyama’s with enough force to make him feel dizzy. “Don’t you fucking dare saying those words. I listened to you enough.”

Kageyama does cry after all - Iwaizumi is unsure whether it was his words or the headbutt causing that, perhaps both - but not as silently as before. ...They are a lot more alike than they seem at first glance, Oikawa and Kageyama. It’s tragic for him to know but having heard both of them cry in such a close span of time makes him notice that it sounds very much similar to the other’s. If only they had never been torn apart, forced to take their distance from one another. 

“I’m s-sorry--- Iwaizumi-san, I’m---so sorry.” 

Iwaizumi loosens his grip on Kageyama’s wrists and presses his forehead against Kageyama’s, grimacing at the pain of what might possibly become a bruise but in his helplessness he didn’t know how to make Kageyama stop saying what he meant to say. Kageyama’s eyes are shut tightly as he keeps sobbing, muttering apologies over and over again.

“Kageyama.”

“I’m sorry---”

“Kageyama, look at me,” cupping Kageyama’s face in his palms and fixating it in place so he wouldn’t squirm away. His cheeks are wet, no surprise, but oddly cold. 

“I’m---” He opens his eyes, red and swollen, and Iwaizumi does his best to put on his broadest smile. He isn’t the greatest in calming people down, that’s not his nature. Rather than that, he likes to rile people up and motivate them, make them go harder at him, stronger, with more force than ever, likes to be a pillar rather than a place of relaxation. 

It works anyway, Kageyama looking at him, calmer, as if he’d woken up from the worst dream he has ever had, finding himself back in the safety of reality. As safe as it can be. With him at his side, Iwaizumi swears to make it the safest place, one for Kageyama to retreat to whenever. 

“Whatever you do, whatever you think, don’t fall back to that again, Kageyama. Don’t let your mind tell you something like that. You are supposed to be here, you are supposed to exist, to be alive and kicking. And no matter how hard it is now, how hard it might be, I’m here, alright? Rely on me. That’s what I’m here for. That’s my entire purpose. I live in order for you and Oikawa and everyone to rely on me and I hope to die knowing I have achieved just that. I have sworn I would and I don’t plan on breaking my oath. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.”

Kageyama’s eyes are still glistening, drops still sticking to his eyelashes and it suddenly hits Iwaizumi how close they are right now. Given this is not the time to remember what Hanamaki said earlier, it is entirely the wrong time and place for that but for the pain that overwhelmed Iwaizumi’s heart all the warmth and love returns, kicking the pain down tenfold when Kageyama leans in and closes his eyes, and with a voice as fragile as the first snowflake in winter, asks, “Can I stay…. here for tonight…. please…?”

Iwaizumi runs his thumbs over Kageyama’s cheeks - he thinks he might indulge himself for just a little as long as he doesn’t overdo it - wipes away the streaks his tears left behind and replies, “Always at your service.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i kind of lied last time saying there would be action, that's on for next chapter, i needed to split it bc else it would have become far too long. now don't forget that coronation is supposed to be the day after like iwaizumi did just bc kageyama fluttered his eyelids and asked to stay with him. ....iwaizumi's so struck and blind of love jfc
> 
> pls also check out the incredibly [wonderful piece of art](https://twitter.com/moontobio/status/615216659436060676) [lovely suikka](http://twitter.com/moontobio) drew for the end of this chapter, i'm still crying every time i see it ;;


End file.
